Three Steps to Build Connection in a Job Interview

If you’ve ever prepared for an interview before, you’ve probably heard some advice like “sound confident,” or “sell yourself.”

But if you’re an introvert or if English is your non-native language (ESL), this advice isn’t always the easiest to follow.

Although I do believe in interviews it’s important to sound confident and explain the value you can bring to the role and company, there IS another area you can focus on that plays more to the strengths of introverts and non-native English speakers. It’s a skill that is extremely effective and powerful, and yet it’s far less talked about:

The ability to build connection during a job interview.

I recently was on Mac’s List Find Your Dream Job Career Podcast, where I discussed this very topic with host Mac Prichard. Below I highlight the topics discussed in my episode, 3 Steps to Build Connection in a Job Interview, with Kacie Bail.

What Does “Connection” Really Mean?

From my point of view, building connection in an interview means really knowing your experiences, skills, and values so well that you can relate them back to the role, company or interviewer with ease. When you do this, the interview starts to feel more like a conversation between two colleagues instead of a one-sided evaluation.

But how do you know when connection is building during an interview? Well, in the Western culture, you can usually see your interviewer start to relax. They start talking more, making more eye contact, and they may even smile more as the conversation continues.

And I know, you’re probably thinking why does this matter? Why should I try to learn yet ANOTHER skill to prepare for interviews when I already have so many other things to study?

During the next section I outline the biggest benefits for prioritizing building connection in a job interview and why it could be the tie breaker when all other competing candidates have similar technical skills.

Why Building Connection is Important

1. Interviewers share more information

When you show interest and curiosity about things the interviewer says, they are usually more willing to provide more in depth information about the role, company culture or themselves. This is a HUGE opportunity to find more topics to connect on and continue building rapport with your interviewer. It also allows you to make a more well-informed decision on whether you actually want the role based on the additional information the interviewer provides.

2. You feel less pressure

If you tend to get very nervous during interviews (I know I do!), building connection can make the interview feel less stressful because it starts to feel more like a conversation. And the best part? You don’t have to be the center of attention. You can get a break from speaking, while still making a great impression.

3. Gives you more control

When you know how to build connection, you can start to control the direction of the conversation. This is extremely beneficial to introverts and non-native English speakers because you can guide the conversation to topics that you feel more confident in, and to topics that interest your interviewer more, which will allow you to build an even stronger connection.

4. It helps you stand out and be more memorable

When you get to know your interviewer on a deeper level and show curiosity and enthusiasm about what they say, it makes the interviewer feel seen and understood. When this happens, there’s more of a comfort level and trust that starts to build where you can start seeing each other more as future colleagues. These positive feelings, from my experience, make as big of an impact, if not more, than the answers you give during the interview.

Now that you know why building connection is important, let’s move on to how to actually build connection during a job interview.

3 Steps to Build Connection in a Job Interview

Step 1: Listen Intently

Pay close attention to the interviewer when they’re speaking as well as observe their body language and tone of voice.

Step 2: Identify Conversation Threads

A conversation thread is simply a topic that can open the door to a deeper discussion.

Example: For a project manager role, an interviewer may say, “You’ll coordinate with four teams to deliver enhancements to our system.”

This example has 3 conversation threads: the four teams, the enhancements, the system.

Step 3: Engage With One or More of the Conversation Threads

Acknowledge and interact with the conversation threads.

If you’re not sure how to do this, I recommend 4 different ways to engage below:

1. Comment to signal that you understand, and share a related experience if possible

If we go back to that project manager role description, “You’ll coordinate with four teams to deliver enhancements to our system”, you could make a comment on the four teams conversation thread.

Example:

“Oh ok, that’s great. You know, I remember on my last project I had to coordinate with numerous teams as well so I’m glad I’d get the opportunity to do that in this role too.”

Main benefits: When you make a comment like this, it shows that you’re listening, it expresses your interest in what the interviewer is saying, you’re reinforcing that you’ve done something like this before, and it shows the interviewer this is the type of work you want to do in the future.

2. Ask a Follow-Up Question

A follow up question is used to gather more details or get more clarity on a certain topic.

Please see examples below, referring back to the project manager role mentioned in Step 2:

• “Could you tell me more about the 4 different teams I’d be working with?”

  
  

• “Would you mind expanding a little more on the different types of enhancements that are being delivered”?

  
  

• “Could you provide more details on the system you use?”

Main benefits: You’re showing the interviewer that you’re curious and interested. You’re also showing them your expertise in a way because you’re trying to understand the scope of the project which is absolutely something you would need to know as a project manager. Then, when the interviewer responds, it gives you ANOTHER opportunity to relate your experiences back to what they say, thus building on your connection to the interviewer or to the role.

3. Paraphrase

Re-stating in your own words what you heard the interviewer say to check that you understood them correctly.

Example: If your interviewer starts providing more details about the project manager role, such as, “Throughout the day, you have to speak to 3 clients located in India and Brazil.” You could paraphrase, and say:

“Just to make sure I understood you correctly, I would be the main point of contact for 3 clients on a daily basis.”

Main benefits: It shows that you’re paying attention, trying to understand them (which demonstrates that you’re serious about the role), and provides you extra time to think about how this topic can connect to something you’ve done in the past so you can then make a comment or follow up question.

4. Use Nonverbal Behaviors

Examples of recommended nonverbal behaviors (in the Western culture) during an interview:

• Nodding

• Maintaining good eye contact

• Engaging facial expressions (i.e. smiling)

• Leaning towards the interviewer

• Taking notes from time to time

  
  

Main benefits: A large percentage of our communication is nonverbal, so if you’re trying to build a connection with your interviewer, I recommend being aware of what your body language is communicating to them. When you’re nodding, maintaining good eye contact, and smiling occasionally, those are all behaviors that are showing interest, engagement, and enthusiasm for the role, which can help build a stronger connection.

Which Conversation Threads Should I Engage With?

This is where your expertise, research, and listening all come together.

If you’re interviewing for the Project Manager role mentioned in Step 2, I would recommend engaging with the “four teams” or “the enhancements” conversation threads first, because these threads are more relevant to the project manager position.

Or, maybe you know from researching the interviewer beforehand that they are also a project manager, so by focusing on those conversation threads, you know that you’ll probably be able to connect more on those threads rather than getting into the more technical aspects of their system.

Also, remember in Step 1 when you were observing your interviewer’s body language and tone of voice? This is the time to engage (or not engage) with certain conversation threads according to those cues. For example, if you hear excitement in their voice when they talk about the four teams, I would explore that topic more. If they look bored when talking about a certain conversation thread, then you can choose a different one where their body language or tone of voice signals more interest.

Final thoughts

If there’s one thing I want you to take away from all this, it’s that building connection is a skill that anyone can learn to do, with preparation and practice. At the end of the day, interviewers may not remember all the answers you give them, but they’ll remember how you made them feel. So please, remember to engage with what your interviewer says! This is a huge opportunity for you to connect more during the interview, to be more memorable, and hopefully land a more fulfilling job!

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If you’d like to read or listen to the full podcast episode, you can find it here: 3 Steps to Build Connection in a Job Interview, with Kacie Bail

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